Get vaccinated against Auto Renewal with Auto Cancel® — Dear Online Service which I bought while hallucinating and foaming from three orifices from dengue fever, This email is to inform you that I, your customer Roger Holloway LLC, a wholly-owned subsidiary of The Holloways of Great Neck, Inc., am adopting several new subscription policies. To request a hardcopy version…

How I automated the living sheisse out of MuddyUm FB posts — “All our invention and progress seem to result in endowing material forces with intellectual life, and stultifying human life into a material force.” ― Karl Marx Q: Did Marx scratch books into rock with primitive tools? A: That was a rhetorical question. What I would say to Karl Marx if he lived today “See that Airbus A380? Make it sparkle. Here’s…

Cranky Doodle Dandy — I’d like to meet the person who came up with there’s an app for that. Specifically, I’d like to punch his ticket. Why? Let’s rewind. It all started with my usual testosterone-fueled, ubergeek-entitled, snotnose software engineer arrogance. Exponentiated by striving to be the Big Tuna in a Venti-sized puddle. Translation…

Mr. Waits goes to Washington — We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to take you to a live presidential press conference. Tonight’s event is the first public appearance by the 47th President of the United States — musician/actor Tom Waits — since his inauguration. …

There goes the neighborhood! — Canada and Denmark will sign an agreement Tuesday that formally defines their Arctic marine boundary and settles the question of Hans Island’s ownership. The island will be split with about 60 percent of the rock becoming Denmark and the rest becoming Canada. — https://www.bostonglobe.com/2022/06/14/world/after-49-years-canada-denmark-settle-ownership-an-arctic-island/

Our Constitutional right to fire metal projectiles into living tissue — When it comes to satirizing American violence, we Mudditors are laughing with tears in our eyes. Why not? A mob of Proud Boys is spraying mace into our office. I’d shout Incoming but we’re all bleeding heart liberals here. …

Horton Hears a Who’s Long Lost Sequels — You never know what you’ll find in your attic! Behind a tattered box of salt packets, liberated by my great-aunt Fionnuala from the original Milwaukee White Tower Hamburgers. Underneath a cigar box containing dog-eared piles of Topps cards, mostly 1962 New York Mets first baseman “Marvelous” Marv Throneberry. What’s that…

LaPierre: ‘Let’s address these tragedies once and for all’ — Coming out of its annual convention in Houston, the NRA announced a new line of branded merchandise — Thoughts & Prayers. According to CEO Wayne LaPierre, “We wanted to address these tragedies in Buffalo, Uvalde, Tulsa. At the same time, in the wake of our Chapter 11 bankruptcy filing, we…

An op-ed by Senator Thurston “Stomp” Linebacker (R-South Floribamassippi) — Here in the GOP caucus, we’re watching Schumer and the Dems use Buffalo and Uvalde to ring-lead a media circus. Virtue signaling the moral high ground. Banning God’s own stand-your-ground firearms and munitions jamboree. Welp, as my old gridiron coach — name of “Napalm” Tom Sigsauer — back at South…