Great white hope

Knowledge for people like us

History

HIS 101 American Prehistory — Siberian hordes cross Bering Strait, whites slaughter lazy natives sorry not sorry, patriots rising, white man’s burden, damn Yankees, Depression without Zoloft, kicking us some European butt!, first black President sorry very sorry. No dog whistles, no MAGA hats. …


Pi-eyed

Goddess of circles

Dear 3.1415926535897932384626433 and the exquisitely infinite tail of your transcendental goddess genome,

They say you’re irrational! And by they I mean, you know, ugh, mortals. Wetware. Les Miserables. Excuse my French.

All that mishegas about irrational because you can’t be expressed as the ratio of two integers. Cretins! Six to…


Semiotic antibiotic

The raptcha!

CAPTCHA, the website security tool that screens out bots, is a fixture of modern life we take for granted. Like, say, shingles or head lice. Yet captcha enriches our lives. It is a digital Zen koan that requires the concentration of a bodhisattva. …


Twisted Lister

And hey, so can you!

If you’re a wannabe rockstar at anything, read this post! Nothing, not even tight pecs, is more important than self promotion.

You won’t learn anything about that here. But by inverting what I suggest, you absolutely will succeed. My enemy’s enemy, and all that. No, enemy. Don’t be disgusting.

At…


FAMILIES FEUD

Five hundred centuries of Hatfield-McCoy

Paleo Dieters Rioters— Africa, Old Stone Age

Hat Clan lived in Big Cave By River. Anz was headman.

Across the river, headman Ran lived with Mac clan in Other Big Cave By River.

They lived in peace. Gathering berries and roots, spearing fish, hunting game. None of this crap!

One afternoon, Mac clan hunters spied a woolly…


Big Data is Watching You

All your ways are known to me

Shaken, not stirred. Who drinks martinis anymore? You! Remember your frat James Bond movie marathon? Now it’s shandies and pilsners, but you’ll slum it with a Bud at a party. Cheap date.

Briefs. White. Hanes. Five-pack. On sale, Cheap Undies. Last ordered April 13th. 11:09am, remember? Right before you bought…


A Dish Story

Berserk hausfrau impales dishwashing hubby

For the first time since the invention of soap, a woman murdered her husband while he was washing the dishes.

Tyra Dove Bulldeuce, of Alkaline Gulch, Utah, stabbed her dish-washing husband, Kit Chen Mennis, fifty-two times with the business end of a meat thermometer.

According to police, Ms. Bulldeuce trudged…


You want to go Bible? It’s on!

The Book of Fallopians

The Book of Fallopians

1:1 Having made Eve of Adam’s rib, but not the penis and testicles, God gave unto Eve her own parts.

1:2 And of these were labia majora and minora, clitoris, vagina, uterus, and ovaries.

1:3 And Bartholin’s glands, though Bartholin was wont to share them. …


Adapt and Die

Some of my best friends menstruate

  1. Due to our ratings success with the DH, we are adding the DUI, or Designated Utility Infielder.

    The DUI, and do send suggestions for a better acronym to snotnoserichkidintern@mlb.com, excels at every position. Shortstop, batboy, umpire, beer vendor, grounds crew chief, missionary.

    DUIs must hit below .200 and may hit off…


White House hopes to avoid humor rationing

McConnell’s Intestinal Appendices inflamed over laugh lag

Humor depends on a finely tuned just-in-time supply chain. With the disruption of Covid, the supply of humor has slowed to a snicker. Someone starts a knock-knock joke, could take a day and a half to get to “Who’s There?”

Humorists! Press your advantage. …

Andrew Rodwin

Software engineer. Avid reader. Occasional writer.

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